Alice Benedict Radez

I’m full of lots of emotions and memories today, one stands out vivid as ever. The nurse that was with us through the last day we spent with mom told me that sometimes near the end of a person’s life they will hold on to life with the idea that they have a responsibility to care for those they will be leaving behind. She suggested express that we would be ok and that it was time to let go. I did  take the nurse’s advice to say goodbye and thank mom for the fantastic parent that she had been and telling her that we’re going to be ok. I have no idea if the nurse was giving me advice for mom’s sake or my sake, on the other hand I have a memory that today has reminded me of how special mom was to so many people. I remember that everyone in the assisted living she was in had nothing but inspirational memories of her. I remember that people I had not seen in years and would never have expect to see showed up to her funeral. I reflect today on how involved mom and dad were in raising my sister and me. That reflection if full of the people that came to pay respects to mom, the impact she had on each of them and it reminds me just how selfless a woman mom was to everyone around her.

Read Dan’s post about Logan’s 1st birthday. I remember the “Who’s number one” chant. We continue to have questions come up that we would have expected Alice to have the answer, but have to deal with it ourselves. Things are quiet here at the house on Iris Drive. I’m slowly digging out of years of Sew News magazines, newspaper clippings, tons of family pictures, scraps of fabric, sewing machines and still have quite a ways to go on all of the other crafts Alice dabbled in. Have cleared off the back porch and re-sided and painted the house. More stuff planned, like updating the interior and landscaping. Also got rid of 2 cars. Down to one only now. Every now and then I read the emails from last Nov 6 and beyond. Certainly brings a lump to my throat and a knot in my stomach. Probably always will, in spite of trying to move on with an normal life. She’s in a better place now. It was good seeing the Benedicts at Cream Hill this Spring. Would have liked to make it to Cape May this Summer, but had other issues to contend with. Maybe next year. Alice would have enjoyed the updates to the house. It needed (continues to need) to be done after 25 years. She would have marveled at how fast Logan is growing up and at how much fun he is. He keeps us entertained and loves to be the center of attention…….More later,,,,,,Kip

We had a wonderful evening celebrating Logan’s First Birthday. Through out the afternoon celebrating with Logan’s Grandparents, Aunt and Uncle we remembered mom a couple times.

Every time I ask Logan if he knows how old he is I hear mom’s voice in my head chanting “Who’s Number One?” I don’t even know that when she said this as I was growing up that she was referring to My or Molly being one year old. Though I have very vivid memories of this being a common phrase.

I imagine that she would have said that a dozen and a half times through out the day today.

Alice would have been glad to hear that Mark Nowotnik has enlisted in the Marines. Life doesn’t always go in a straight line for all of us. Rest assured the Marines will have Mark marching in a straight line. And he’ll continue to go in a straight line for years after he finishes his time in the military. She always had such a great interest in what her brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, children and now grand child, are doing with their lives. School, Band, Color Guard, sports, scouts, jobs, summer jobs, etc.. She was always wanting to hear the most recent news.

Here is the remembrance that Mary-Benton Gordon delivered at the beginning of Alice’s Funeral service here in Raleigh. Maybe it’s a nice way to start the blog. Something for you all to reflect on.

Remembrance of Alice Benedict Radez, delivered at her funeral on November 8,
2007

On behalf of the Radez family, I’d like to welcome you here this evening, and
thank you for coming here to celebrate the life of my neighbor and friend Alice.

Alice was a woman of grace.  Her life was so hard sometimes, but she tried to
maintain a positive, cheerful attitude, and she insisted on doing as much as she
could for as long as she could.  She loved sewing and smocking, going to
sporting events at Duke, participating in retreats, and being connected with the
people around her.  She always had a stack of newspapers nearby, because she
wanted to read everything and miss nothing.  When she could no longer live at
home, her first words each week during our visits were predictable: “So,
what’s new on Iris Drive?”

There is one theme that stands out the most from the family’s reminiscing
this week – something that I also remember hearing Alice say dozens of times:
FAMILY COMES FIRST.  Alice’s husband, Kevin (known to most of us as
“Kip”), remembers that Alice was always fully involved with anything related
to family.  Alice grew up one of five children, and as an adult she loved going
to family reunions in Cape May, New Jersey, and spending time at her family’s
cabin in Connecticut – near where her ashes will later be interred.

When Alice and Kip had their own children, Dan and Molly, Alice completely
embraced her role as a mother.  Dan and Molly remember that Alice volunteered at
school, and she always came to their events in sports, Scouts, honors choir, or
anything else that parents were invited to attend.  She found ways to contribute
to these groups as she could.  For example, she served for years as Girl Scout
cookie mother for Molly’s troop, and she volunteered to sew the many badges
onto each Scout’s vest – placing each badge carefully and then sewing it on
with matching thread.  Alice also spent countless hours in sewing and hand
smocking beautiful dresses for Molly.  These gifts of time and attention were
clear expressions of her love for her family.

Alice also trained her children in thoughtful and careful living:  If you’re
not watching the TV, turn it off….When you leave the room, turn the light
off….Don’t run the water at high speed because it’s not
necessary….Don’t buy Windex when you can use vinegar & water instead.  Dan
and Molly say this training has stuck, and it affects the way they live and work
today.  Kip remembers that Alice’s care with finances allowed the family to
splurge on special vacations and other things they really wanted.

Over the past few years, Alice shared with me her happiness at each new
milestone or success or endeavor in her family’s lives – Dan’s marriage to
Elizabeth, Kip’s taking up running, Molly’s job at Duke, and many others.
She was overjoyed at the birth of her grandson, Logan.  Alice studied and smiled
at Logan’s photos during her three months as a proud grandmother, and loved to
talk about “sweet little Logan.”

Perhaps because of her own dedication to her family, Alice really valued and
appreciated the loving care that her family provided for her.  She often talked
about how much it meant to her that Dan and Molly took time to visit and take
her places.  She was especially grateful for Kip’s faithful dedication, and
she told her friends about the things he did to make her more comfortable.  She
knew this was a difficult and ever-changing task, and she was very thankful.

I want to thank you again for coming tonight to honor Alice and celebrate her
life.  I invite you now to join in song and prayer as we continue in this
celebration.

To many people 7/11 is a special day of the year. To me it’s special as my mom’s Birthday. With 7/11 approaching this week I’ve been thinking about my mom quite a bit. The past few months with out her have been quite an adjustment. In particular, it’s been hard to watch my son grow up so fast having never really known her. Through the pain of letting go I’ve also enjoyed plenty of wonderful memories. I wanted to do something in her honor for her birthday and this blog seem to be something that everyone could benefit from. What better day to launch it than on her Birthday.

I have 2 purposes with creating this blog.
1. To honor my Mother with memories from all who loved her.
I know since this past November I have had memories that I have enjoyed. I know others have to. Here is a place we can all share them. All you need to do is register and I’ll grant you permissions to post to this blog. When you have a memory that you’d like to share just post it here and everyone will be able to reminisce with you the wonderful woman that she was. If you’ve never used a wordpress blog before I’ll have a more detailed “how to contribute to this blog” page up soon with links to tutorials or how tos or something of the sort so you that you can jump right in with sharing your memories.

2. To bring support to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.
I will link to their site and try to set up a donations link. Mom was a long time supporter of finding a cure for MS. So lets carry on supporting the MS Society to bring hope to those who are fighting the same battle she did. She brought joy and hope to people around her despite the battle she fought. As a tribute to her let’s generate support for an organization trying to overcome MS for everyone.

I hope you’ll join me in contributing to this memorial. I don’t know that mom ever had an email address, though I believe that many who remember her today would enjoy an opportunity to share a story that brings them a smile when they remember Alice Benedict Radez.